Day 0005:

   So, the other day after my new friends and I watched the movie Sucker Punch at Bradley's house (I don't recommend that movie to anyone. It's really dark and there is almost one happy part), I dropped off Adam at his house and went home. A block from home I realized that I didn't want to go home yet, so instead of turning onto our road, I went a few blocks down and went to the park. I found this park on a walk I had taken one of the afternoons I was having a hard day and just needed to get out. Anyway, I ended up staying there for an hour, because they had a swing set that could actually accommodate a young adult. At that time of night, the sprinklers were on, so I sat on the only swing that wasn't soaked, and did what anyone else would at midnight in an abandoned park who didn't want to go home; I pushed myself on the swing and thought.
   I thought about a lot of things. Most of them menial and unimportant. What would the park be like during the day? Warmer. What if someone I didn't know came up and tried talking to me? Run to the car and lock the doors. I decided it was cold out, but I couldn't make myself go inside. I could see the moon from my swing. It was beautiful. I thought about my swing set experiences. Most of them have been with friends. Once at night, Anne, Clayton and I went to a park and Anne and I were swinging while Clayton had decided to climb to the top of the set and play king of the jungle by himself. I would swing with Tony and he would do flips off of them while I watched on envious. I would swing with Mark and we would talk, and I would absentmindedly watch us swing in perfect harmony with each other. Then there was the most recent experience...my fiance and I took engagement pictures at a park back home. We were swinging in some of them. Unfortunately they never turned out. Either he wasn't looking, or my hair was in my face. It was such a happy day for me. I was completely blissful. Hanging out with the man that I loved while my best friend Anne took our pictures.
   As I thought about this, I decided I didn't want to swing anymore. I held onto the chains of the swing and lay out almost flat so the swing would slow down enough for me to gracefully step off. I watched the sky flip upside down on me and slow down. As I walked back to the car, I thought about today's discussion piece.
   Why do some of our favorite memories or activities become bittersweet later in life? I still love swinging. I'm going to go back, but it'll never be the same. I think it became bittersweet for me because I loved my fiance enough to let him in. I let him know everything about me. I let him participate in my favorite things to do with me. I thought it was for life, so I held back nothing. If I could go back, would I change things? Probably not. I'm a hopeless romantic...oh well. Anyway, please share you thoughts and stories.

Sincerely,
Monotonous Me

Day 0004:

   I feel the need for a disclaimer. I swear I don't only think or talk about boys. Boys just happen to be acting stupid towards me lately. I guess you could call this perfect timing...
   I have a few select guy friends that have dramatic tendencies. They don't go for shock and awe, nothing like that. They're just drama queens when it comes down to it.
Case study #1 - Brandon:
   I don't text very often. I'll send one text, then go do something and not answer my phone for at least 15 minutes or so. I text a lot of people, but the frequency of my responses usually unnerve them. I'm especially like this when I'm around other people. I like to focus on the person or activity at hand, and answer my texts later. In my opinion, if it was important, they'd call. If I don't pick up and they leave a message, then I know it's important and excuse myself. But until that point is reached, I leave my cell phone in my purse or pocket. Brandon gets offended when I don't text him first. He'll wait until late afternoon to text me something like, 'Thanks for not texting me. Hope you have a great day...' I would calmly explain that I get busy and that my not texting him frequently is purely habitual and is nothing personal. He less than calmly says, 'This just goes to show that you don't think about me. I'm not important enough to you.'
Case study #2 - Chris:
   He is one of those kinds of guys that is flirtatious. I personally don't think there's really anything wrong with that. I myself am very flirtatious without even trying. I'm affectionate with everyone that I'm friends with, whether they be male or female. This tends to get me into trouble. But that is besides the point at hand. Chris will send me affectionate text messages. Call me pet names, and tell me he misses me. He just recently sent me a text saying 'If you were here we could cuddle' I tried to be funny by saying, 'Technically, I could cuddle with anyone; even a stranger.' He didn't find that very funny. He got offended. 'Well, I guess you don't need me.' he responded. I explained that I was trying to be funny and wasn't trying to be mean. Attempts to restore what I had done were in vain. He's still whining about it.
   I have found that guys seem to take things more personally than girls. A break up that will affect us as women for weeks, affects them for months. I know a few guys that still look on our dating career together with bitterness. I never understood this.
Discussion piece:
   I believe that guys take things more personally than girls when it comes to relationships or the lack thereof. Have you seen this in your life? Do you agree, or disagree? Please share examples...I'm far beyond the point of 'a little curious'.

Sincerely,
Monotonous Me

Day 0003:

   So last night I thought to myself 'You know, you're only here for another week and a half. You should try and make the most of it.' So what did I do? I went to a church activity with a bunch of other young adults. We played running charades and then had root beer floats. All in all a good experience and a fun night. As I finished my root beer float (I don't even like root beer floats, but I always try them anyways, hoping I'll change my mind) I asked a few girls I was on a team with if they wanted to go do something afterwards. Well they had work the next morning and decided to be responsible and go to bed. Kudos for them. Major suck for me.
   I saw a group of three guys and one girl talking and did something that usually would make me super nervous. I walked right up and asked them if they wanted to do anything after finishing their root beer floats. One guy, Bradley said yeah.
   "We're going swimming at my house. We have a pool and hot tub in my back yard. You're more than welcome to come with us." he said. Driving arrangements were made, and Bradley rode with me to my place of residence to grab my bathing suit (I'm the only Mormon in Utah to own and wear a bikini) and then we drove to his place.
   We walked in the back yard and met up with his sister Stephanie and friends Mike, Adam, and Krissy (I think that was her name...). As soon as Brad donned his swim wear, they got out of the hot tub and joined me in the pool. I went off a diving board for the first time. It was a bad idea as I almost lost my top and I jumped in right in front of the the huge flood light...pretty sure every one now knows more about me than they ever wanted to. We all got to talking and it came up as to why I was here in Utah. Everyone sympathized, which was nice, and we talked about relationships. We got cold and decided to hop back in the hot tub. Krissy had work in the morning as well as Mike and Adam. First Krissy left, then Mike a half hour later. It was determined that I would give Adam a ride home since it was on the way and we obviously got along. That was decided when we got in a bubble fight. All I have to say about that, is that I look ridiculous with a bubble mustache and Adam looks equally outrageous. Another Mike (We'll call him Mike #2 for all intensive purposes) and Clay (I don't think that's his name, but it's close) showed up with a dog. They didn't stay long, just long enough to plan something for the following night (tonight) with Brad who had Lasik surgery this morning.
   I made Utah friends who are really nice, really fun, and invited me to hang out again tonight. Score one for Monotonous Me!
   'Congratulations, you're a big kid now; what's the discussion piece?' you are probably thinking. Don't worry; I've got something.
   No matter what age you are, we all like making new friends, but most of us are pretty intimidated by it. Why is that? Are we afraid of making idiots of ourselves? Has past experience taught us that? What do you think keeps you, personally, from making more friends out of strangers?
   I, myself, think it's because I talk like I'm fearless. I take dares to go up to beautiful guys and tell them exactly what I think. I do it, and as soon as I get up there, I speak almost as loud as a mouse...almost. I end up having to repeat myself because they can't hear me, and blushing like crazy. Then they're officially freaked out. Then I feel like an idiot. That's my super lame excuse. I now want to hear yours.
   If you have any interesting stories, by all means, share. I can't be the only one who has a painfully embarrassing story to share...

Sincerely,
Monotonous Me

Day 0002:

   Does anyone want to hear about my date? No? Good; because it didn't happen. The gentleman bowed out an hour after he was supposed to pick me up. Oh well.
   Hence my first discussion piece for guys:
   Why do guys ditch dates so often?
   Does anyone know? If so, please share with the class. I, for one, am baffled by how often my friends and I are stood up. I mean, they are beautiful, intelligent young women, who are really fun to be around. Granted I'm not a guy, so maybe our ideas of fun are different, but I don't think they're too far off...
   My first female discussion piece:
   How many of you have been ditched? What was the given reason? Did you believe them, or not?
   I'm curious as to see how many crazy excuses us women are given. I've had the following excuses:
* I'm tired, or I fell asleep (all day long?)
* Work is making me stay late (that's usually a decision given to most workers, isn't it?)
* My parents want me to do some work around the house (I thought you said you were 23?!)
* My Mom is sick (and you have to stay home to make sure she doesn't go anywhere???)
and my favorite:
* Something came up (Like what?!)

Please indulge me with your input/stories. This should be interesting...

Sincerely,
Monotonous Me

Day 0001:

   To honor my first ever post on a blog that is all mine, I am celebrating, by sitting in bed, in my pajamas, un-showered, and reeking of sleep. What an exciting day this should prove to be...

   Alright, so my life isn't actually that boring. I'm staying at my friend's house out of state for a month. That month started June 20th, so needless to say, my month is almost up. Staying in Utah isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be (no offense, Katie). I was picturing a lot of hypocritical 'Sunday Christians' with a 'holier than thou' attitude. Don't get me wrong; I'm sure they exist here, just like they do everywhere else, but I have yet to meet anyone like that where I'm staying. I also pictured girls running around trying to get hitched in such a hurry that they ditch all subtlety and sanity. It is not so. I only know one girl here who's engaged, and she is one of the most awesome women I have ever met. Her fiance is pretty awesome, too. I pictured sticking out like a sore thumb, as well on Sunday. New girl without a Utah accent, quiet, not familiar with all the inside jokes, sitting by herself kind of obvious. Surprisingly, I wasn't the only new kid. About 6 people's records were read into the ward that same Sunday.

   There were a lot of differences about going to church here than in Minnesota. I have to drive about 45 minutes to an hour to get to church back home. I have to drive 25 minutes to get to church here, and that's with all the construction going on. My ward back home on a good day has about 20 people show up. Here, there are about 20 activity planning committee members. Here in Utah, it's bigger, closer, and always getting new members. Back home, it's small, farther away, and has had the same members since it was formed, who knows how long ago.

   Some of you may be wondering why I'm spending a month in Utah of all places. When you get down to it, life is hard. It kicks you around. Sometimes it even leaves you for dead. I went through a divorce. I know I'm not the only one this has happened to, and I'm part of a majority...but when something like that happens, you feel all alone. Suddenly families you never thought twice about seem perfect. After all, they're still together. They have kids and do things together on a regular basis...what do they have, that you didn't? What are they doing right that you must have missed? Why does their love for each other overcome obstacles that yours didn't? These are some of the millions of questions that swim around your head (for those of you lucky enough to never have gone through a divorce). These questions and others are what I'm here looking for answers to. I'm here looking for myself. Since Katie runs a day care, I have a lot of time to myself when I want it. I get to do basically whatever I want between the hours of 8am (I'm usually asleep at this time) and 5pm. Needless to say, I have a lot of time to think about whatever I want. I have made a lot of self-liberating discoveries about myself. I have figured out things that have been bothering me. A lot of profound thoughts for someone not used to having this much time to herself.

   Well, I have a date in about an hour, and I don't think he would appreciate showing up to what appears to be a hygienically challenged 20 year old woman. 

Sincerely,

Monotonous Me